Sometimes you just have to smile and nod and keep moving toward the door...

The prevalence and variation of crazy that exists in people who present themselves to the ED really is limitless.

Here is one such case.

Mrs. Poiaag presented herself to the emergency room for one or all of the following:

*Chronic left leg pain for anywhere from weeks to years and years duration
* New onset left sided weakness
* Abdominal pain
* Chest pain

I was unsure which was the overriding concern she had on this day as she had listed one of these complaints to the triage nurse, another to me and still another to the doctor and the longer the doctor stayed in the room, the more symptoms she appeared to recall.

She walked into triage and walked from triage to her treatment room, required no assistance to disrobe and put on her gown and seemed for all the world like a perfectly healthy person.

Mrs. Poiaag had a visitor with her that she referred to as her fiancé.  At some point during her stay in the emergency department, I was paged for a phone call.  It was a gentleman identifying himself as Mrs. Poiagg's husband. 

I entered the room with a phone and said simply, "I'm sorry, I'm confused, there's a call for you from your...(glance in the direction of the fiancé) husband.  With a frustrated sigh, she put down her cell phone, muted the television and reached for the phone.

I left her, saying I'd return for the phone in a bit.

I returned several minutes later and overheard Mrs. Poiaag to now be speaking with a poorly affected British accent that hadn't been present on our previous encounters.

Intrigued, I listened for a few seconds, then walked into the doorway where she could see me.  Whereupon, she immediately broke off her conversation, held out the phone and said,

"It's my ex-husband.  I don't want to talk to him."  British accent again absent.

Great.  So, I get on the phone.  The "ex-husband" asks me why Mrs. Poiaag is in the ER.  I  say, "I'm sorry sir, my patient has instructed that she does not wish to speak with you and due to federal privacy laws, I'm prohibited from telling you anything further."

He then asked who I was.  I introduced myself as Mrs. Poiaag's nurse.

The "ex-husband" then said, "Well, she was just trying to say she was you."

Now...this fascinated me for a few reasons, not least of which was why this chick thought I had a British accent.  I just said, "I can't speak to that, I can only reiterate that I am constrained by federal law and can say no  more."

Eventually as Mrs. Poiaag's cardiac, neurologic, GI, GU and all other systems were checking out as completely normal, and after receiving a complimentary chicken dinner and several hours of fluorescent light therapy, she was discharged, smiling, happy that she still had time to make her hair appointment.


There's no real point to this post except to inquire...do I really

sound British?