Be serious. Seriously. For just a minute.

Yeah, well, it's gonna be hard to find a picture of Erica being serious.

But, grief.  It's so weird.

I mean, when my Pop passed, I thought it would kill me.  No shit.  For an hour or so, I felt like I must die, because it hurt too fucking much to keep going.

But, eventually reality and life sort of insinuated themselves.  And, while there are moments when missing him is almost palpable, now almost 4 years out, I have a whole different perspective.  Especially in light of Erica's illness and passing. 

My Pop got to live a somewhat truncated, but, basically full life.  He got to enjoy several years of retirement and grandchildren.

Erica got robbed.  And, in her passing, we all got robbed.  And, sometimes I still get pissed off about it.  And, I rage inwardly at the unfairness of it all.

And, then I think about my friend Hagertha, and the very sudden and truly tragic loss of a husband, the father of her young son, who was even younger than Erica.  And another tall, nordic appearing friend who lost a husband to cancer, far too young. And my cousin, one of the kindest people anyone ever met, who lost not one but two young husbands over a couple of decades.  And little Sammy, a 3 year old girl who was my mother's darling in her church nursery class, who died from cancer, and my friend Beth's little boy, Nolan, who died at 7 from a recurrence of the osteosarcoma that everyone thought he'd beaten.

These moments, I struggle with the intellectual knowledge that life goes on vs. the feeling that it should just stop.  For a minute.  In honor of them.  All of them.  All of the great people who died too soon...mortality.  Mortality sucks.

So, what's left to do except carpe diem.  I can't know how many days I have left.  Or anyone else whom I love.

All I can do is live.  Really live.  Suck all the life out of every single minute.  And love them.  And tell all of them how very important they all are to me. 


So, there.  I promise to try to get back to some light-hearted Nurse Bananahammock nonsense soon.  But, right now... I need a minute.